I have been waiting a long time to write this because in a way it is a tribute to how far I have come and how much I have had to overcome to be here with you right now as the author.
Part of the reason this took me so long was because this was very emotional for me and I had to determine how much I was going to share with the internet. As I have become more comfortable with my past I have begun to be able to talk more about it and I actually tell students on my bootcamps pretty intimate details about who I am and how I got here.
I want them to know if I could overcome all the adversity that destroyed my childhood, and a good part of my identity, to be a success they can do it also. I would like to start with some definitions.
People often ask me why I put definitions in my posts; I do this because I think if we are going to discuss something like mature adults we all need to agree on the important terms. I want what we talk about to be definitive, not subjective.
|Path to freedom: Overcoming the victim mentality (or 'victim thinking')||D Our society is full of people who, through their own limiting beliefs, have settled into becoming victims of their circumstances. They feel powerless to make changes in their lives because they think that the elements of their lives are out of their control.|
|Dealing with the victim mindset||It isn't my fault! Confronting the victim mentality A victim mentality is one where it is always someone else's fault for bad things happening to you.|
These are all definitions found on Wikipedia. What is a victim? An unfortunate person who suffers from some adverse circumstance.
What does it mean to have a mentality? A habitual or characteristic mental attitude that determines how you will interpret and respond to situations.
What is a role? A role or a social role is a set of connected behaviors, rights and obligations as conceptualized by actors in a social situation. It is mostly defined as an expected behavior in a given individual social status and social position. Roles and mentalities are very similar and they often walk hand in hand ie you will have certain mentalities based on the roles you play.
What does it mean to be a hero? The main character in a story, who drives the plot, or around whom plot is structured. Often, but not always the protagonist. What is the ego? In Psychoanalysis the conscious mind, self: An originally Jungian term referring to the primordial and universal images that he believed underlie and are manifested in myth, symbol, religion, art, and personal understandings of the world, and "evoke deep and sometimes unconscious responses".
We have a dictionary definition of what it means to be a hero but I would like to reframe that.
I believe the hero is the person who is the author of his own story and reframes his wounds into a source of power. At one point or another in our lives we have all been emotionally hurt.
I am not here to judge who had it better or worse. A lot of times I get asked via private messages or in the original thread well how do I accomplish xyz whatever the subject of the article is. I will try to make this point over and over about how to accomplish the reframing of your stories and thus the roles you play in them.
I believe this will be by far my most important contribution to the community. This is really important guys so please take it in doses if need be. You begin this process by shedding your metaphorical skin much like a snake does because the body has outgrown it.
Once you release yourself from these roles which are limitations by the very fact that they are definitionsyou become empowered to weave a new yarn.
These roles you have decided to play are merely arbitrary labels that you have created to explain who you are and what happened to you. Whether the stories are a byproduct of your own creation or someone else created them for you, you confuse them with reality.
This is where suffering begins. Buddha said attachment is the root of all suffering. I am not going to get into a philosophical debate about Buddhism though I think it is super interesting and have made a study of both it and Zen.
In this case we are attached to labels, roles, whateverthat affix to our story. These characters are like demons who will never go away and constantly want to be fed and nurtured.
We MUST exorcise them. See here is the issue; because we really believe this remember our definition of mentalitythe demons will not go away.On a good note, because a victim mentality is a learned behaviour, you can indeed ‘unlearn’ it.
It is, however, a process which takes time and can be quite intense, especially if it is connected to childhood trauma like abuse or neglect. In short, being a victim requires a giving up of most, if not all, personal attheheels.com we allow ourselves to be victims, we are letting the people and circumstances in our lives dictate how we will feel, and ultimately, who we will be.
The victim mentality is a foundational wound that wants no responsibility in its own survival or in carrying the responsibility of the survival.
These people are frozen in the state of the victim. Simply put, having a victim mentality means that you blame other people and circumstances for the unhappiness you feel. How Self-Victimization Develops. No one is born with a victim mentality, just as no one is born clinically depressed or anxious.
How To Deal with the “Victim Mentality” in Others The “Victim”. We all have them in our life, maybe you are one of them, maybe you work with one, or maybe you are married to one.
A victim mentality is one where it is always someone else's fault for bad things happening to you. Further than this, it can be an expectation that things will go wrong, because `bad things always happen to me'.